Our week of no TV ended on Sunday. At first, no one remembered. Then the kids spent some time, but not a crazy amount, watching the shows they missed. Then the Vikings played had a game at 7:00. I was reading a book, and kind of watching. And all of a sudden, it was 9:15 and I hadn’t showered or started to get ready for bed yet. I had finished the book, and the game was pretty horrible. Every time I looked up there was a fumble or interception.

Monday was a little better. I watched one show with Lily and Austin, and then, after they went to bed, another show with Chris. About 45 minutes total. I was totally fine with that until I realized, as I was going to bed, that I 1) hadn’t written at all, and 2) didn’t even care about what I watched with the kids. It wasn’t bad. It was an old Seinfeld episode (Season 1, Episode 2, to be precise.) It just wasn’t anything I particularly needed to spend my time on.

If it was up to me, we wouldn’t have a TV. Not because there’s anything wrong with having one, but because I have a hard time using it mindfully. But, since Chris and the kids wouldn’t be down with having no TV, maybe it’s a good opportunity for me to practice intentionality.

And by “maybe” I mean: for sure.

I feel like I should preface this with: We don’t watch a lot of TV. At most, between the four of us, 3 hours total each day. And that would need to be a day where everyone got up early and we had nothing going on, which never, ever happens. We have Hulu and Netflix, but no cable.

However…

I feel like TV has too much pull over us. We’re bored? TV. Tired? TV. (No, not sleep. TV. Duh!) Overwhelmed by how much needs to be done? TV, obviously. Stressed out? TV.

I first floated the idea of giving up TV for the rest of the year. Chris was not having that. But I did get him to agree to no TV every-other-week for the rest of the year, except for Vikings games.

Our first week was the Vikings bye week. Our TV has been off since last Saturday.

Here’s my first week observations:

• Overall, it wasn’t that hard. There were times when I reached for the remote and had to stop myself. But that faded.
• Last Sunday I did all of the meal prep I intend to do every Sunday but never end up having time for because I get stuck on the couch. Here’s the thing: I’m usually not even watching TV when I’m stuck on the couch. But the TV is on and other people are watching it, so I don’t have motivation to do anything else, either.
• I became more aware of other time sucks.
  • This wasn’t planned ahead of time, but by Monday night I had started unsubscribing from every email I didn’t really want to get.
  • I cut back on social media. This was a conscious effort, and probably harder than TV. Two checks a day- once in the morning and once at night.
• I became aware of other ways I was trying to distract myself.
  • Eating while reading/working/watching TV/generally doing anything other than eating. Why do I need to be distracted while I eat? I don’t. I don’t actually want to be distracted while I eat, yet it had become my default.
  • In general, I’m usually doing 2 – 5 things at a time. Somehow, without TV, it became easier to differentiate and stop doing that.
• I didn’t get as much done as I expected. I was hoping to get a lot of writing done, read two or three books, clean out the bathroom cabinet, and clean the basement. I did get a lot of writing done, more than I’ve gotten done in months. But I only read one book, and just cleaned the bathroom cabinet today.

Tomorrow begins a new week, and this one has TV. There’s a Vikings game that I guarantee will be on. I also fully expect the kids to have something on before the Fabric gathering in the morning. I don’t know that we’re going to watch a lot less TV than we had before this week. But hopefully, we’ll be watching it more mindfully.

What is it about goal setting that sets us up to fail? Is it just me?

I started running (again) this summer, and this fall started going further and further until I realized I was on track to do a 1/2 Marathon. And not just any half marathon. The way I was running, I would probably do the fasted half I’d ever done.

But…something kept me from registering. As soon as I registered, I would be committed. And once I was committed, I was no longer “running” I was “training.” And you can’t fail at running. But you can fail at training.

I decided to wait to register. I would do a 12-mile run. It was going to be a gorgeous weekend, it would be a little over two hours outside, with the dog. It would be great.

In the end, I didn’t get to do my 12 miles. Instead, I had my gallbladder removed and am happy I never registered for anything because I wouldn’t be able to do it anyway. However, I’ve still been thinking about the whole situation. About running versus training. About how as soon as I set a goal for myself, I lose the fun and casualness of doing the thing I love and I turn it into a chore. It’s not just running, or biking, or swimming (or triathlons.) I do it with all types of creativity. I do it with writing. I do it with art. I do it with this blog. As soon as it’s something I “have” to do, distractions and disruptions abound and that thing that I once enjoyed not only doesn’t get done, but becomes a source of shame and guilt.

I’m thinking of doing an experiment. What if I stop putting expectations on myself? What if I let the art be play again? I’ve played around with it (pun intended) a little this week. While recovering from surgery, I couldn’t do much of anything, so everything I actually did was a bonus. I’m feeling a little better now. I’m going to try to keep the expectations low, and hopefully keep the opportunities high. Maybe, if I’m not so worried about how quickly I can get from A to Z, I’ll actually get there. And enjoy the journey.

What do you think causes binges? Binge shopping, binge watching, binge facebooking, binge whatever? It’s got to be the feeling of something missing, right?

I’ve been binge shopping this week. I needed a few things: tights in my new size, cardigans to replace some I donated, underwear… I haven’t gotten the underwear yet, but I do have three new dresses, a new hoodie, some PJs…and I just popped over here from Athleta where my cart is full and waiting for me to checkout.

I binge shop when I’m stressed and tired. Maybe that’s all it is. But I truely have a feeling like I need something right now, but I don’t know what it is.

Maybe it’s just sleep.

Is this just me?

In the last year I’ve:

-Started a new job
-Completed 8 credits toward my masters
-Written over 100,000 words
-Read 70 books
-Been on 8 trips with flights
-Had ligament reconstruction on both of my ankles and spent 3 month on crutches & an additional 3 months with activity restrictions.
-Lost 55 lbs

Here’s to 36 being even better than 35.

I know you so love my reflections on my wardrobe, so I have yet another. I honestly don’t know why this is such a “thing” for me, but it keeps coming back up. So, again…

I’ve lost almost 50 pounds in the last 5 months*. This means none of my pants fit anymore. Lots of my shirts are too big (although, being a child of the 90s, that doesn’t bother me too much, except when I want to look put together.) The issue came to a head right before I had ankle surgery in September when I finally pulled all of my jeans out of my drawer to donate.

I haven’t been great about sticking to the capsule wardrobe, but I’ve still got dramatically fewer clothes than I’ve owned at other points in my life (having almost no storage in our house helps). But, considering I’m needing to buy almost everything, I’m trying to be really deliberate about replacing only what I really need, and reducing the volume again.

I found this article about fair-trade and eco-conscious clothing brands. I decided I was going to only buy high quality (even if it was a little more expensive) and, when possible, buy from companies I can feel great about supporting.

And then Old Navy had a sale.

I am still losing weight, so spending for quality/consciousness seems like it might not be the best option right now. I bought a pair of $15 jeans. They’re so comfortable.

Gap is having a sale now. 50% off everything, no exceptions (jeans are almost always excluded from their sales.) My favorite Gap jeans are 2 sizes too big right now. I spent the weekend debating with myself whether to just replace them for $35, or stick to my new convictions and buy $100 jeans from a company I knew was paying it’s sewers and suppliers fairly. I couldn’t justify the price of the $100 jeans, especially not knowing how long they’re going to fit. But I also want to be aware of not just buying new… So, today, Lily and I went to three thrift stores. I bought a pair of jeans and a great tshirt for Christmas (Griswolds, anyone?) I also realized, in the umpteen pairs of jeans I tried on, my underwear (purchased 2 months ago from Target) are really way too big. I was going to buy from PACt but in looking at other retailors to justify the price, I realized the 50% off sale at Gap counted for underwear too, making them $3 per pair vs. $13 per pair for PACt. I ended up ordering the underwear (and the jeans) from Gap.

I can’t figure out if I made a smart financial decision or sold out to the system that has us feeling like we need more more more so we buy cheap cheap cheap crap that has to be replaced more often.

It can all be returned, so I have some time to decide.

When you buy, do you worry more about price or will you spend more on a company with better practices? How do you balance it?

*This is very exciting, because, as many of you know, I had thyroid cancer in 2010 and no longer have a thyroid. I can blame about 35 lbs of weight gain over the last seven years directly on thyroid/medication issues (as in, oh, wow, we changed my meds and I gained 10 pounds last week. Yep, super fun.) So, for the weight loss to actually be working right now is pretty exciting in and of itself.

This started out as a Facebook post, but it was just too long for that, so I moved over here.

What if the story of Jesus waking up and calming the wind and the waves isn’t a story about Jesus making everything better?

At our Jacob’s Well gathering on Sunday morning, we wrapped up our “Inner Selfie” series, in which we’ve been talking about ways to make space for our souls, and creating practices to help our outer selves and our inner selves to be more in synch. The passage we looked at was Mark 4:35-41:

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Looking for something

Wondering

Missing

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World on pause

waiting

Wandering

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Looking for change

Difference

Newness

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