My kids went to bed really early tonight- by 6:50 they were both snoring. I was so excited to have the opportunity to get some writing done tonight! So I posted a quick story on my Examiner site, my Monday Muscle entry and my Pilates for Mommies entry. None felt like they took very long, and I was really excited to have some good quality awake time to do some real writing. While my blog updates upload I check the clock- and it’s been an hour! An hour! I thought 10 minutes tops. Not an hour! AHHHH! I mean, I know everything I have done tonight has been writing, but it hasn’t been writing. And now the kids are crying. Grrrrr! My books will get written somehow!
**Clock from here
I struggle with my self-image. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I just don’t like what I see. I wish I was thinner. I wish I didn’t have the dark circles under my eyes that broadcast to the world that I haven’t gotten enough sleep in about three years. I wish a lot of things.
My daughter loves herself. She hasn’t gotten to that “I wish” thinking yet. This picture is of her looking into a mirror and literally squealing with delight at what she sees. She LOVES herself. She gets dressed in the morning then runs to either me or daddy (whoever didn’t help her) and declares “I’m cute!” We brush her hair, she turns around, kisses us and says “I’m pretty!”
I’m going to start doing that- once I get dressed I’m going to look in the mirror and declare myself cute. Once my hair has been brushed, I’m going to go find my husband and declare myself pretty. Because I am gorgeous. Lily tells me a lot how pretty I am. I just need to remind myself sometimes.
Because I want to make this. Brooke lives pretty close to me (a few hours) I’m starting to think I need to go meet her. (Picture of Brooke’s finished box from her website.)
So, obviously last night I wasn’t feeling tip top, I was actually feeling overwhelmed by all that I want to do and the fact that my body requires that I get a certain amount of sleep each night because otherwise I am crabby, or worse, overly emotional. (I haven’t consistantly gotten enough sleep since before my kids were born, but my husband is amazing and he bears the brunt of the midnight (and 1, 2, 3 and 4am) trips to their rooms.) Besides sleep, I also want to spend time cuddling my kids, reading to them and playing with them. And my husband. And I have a full time job, and a part time job. I’ve got a lot going on. But, I am only 28, I have much life left to lead. I have time. I don’t have to do it all now. (I should write that on a neon post it and put it on my computer!)
I thought it would be fun to publish a list of the blogs I read, maybe you’ll find soemthing you like! (These are in the order they appear in my Google Reader, it would be just too hard to rank them.) I follow 25 blogs, so I’m going to split this up and just do 5 every Tuesday for the next 5 weeks so you don’t get overwhelemed.
Sending Postcards: Alex and Mina are on a trip around the world and are graciously allowing us all to live vicariously through them.
About.com Pilates: Marguerite Ogle writes all about Pilates- including interviews with master instructors, exercise demos and current trends.
Creatuitive Coaching: Entrepreneure Ana gives tips and inspiration for getting the most out of your job, whether you work at a typical 9-5 or have started your own company.
Editor Unleashed: Good, practical writing tips and advice
Hip Tranquil Chick: I owe Kimberly Wilson a lot- this was the first blog I ever read, the first podcast I ever subscribed to. She introduced me to folks like Julia Cameron and Anne Lamont, and inspires me to do everything I want (because I feel like when she gets an idea, she goes for it, head on, full out.)
Are you ever afraid that you have missed “it” but you don’t know what “it” is? That’s the way I feel sometimes- I think a lot of the times “it” is my twenties, even though I have two years of twenties left. Now, before I go on, I need to caveat this all with this statement: I love my life. I love my kids, my husband and my house. These are not things I’m wishing I didn’t have or feel like are tying me down.
I am so determined and so driven, almost like I’m afraid to let the wheels stop turning because of what the consequences might be, that I miss out on what is happening right here and now. I miss out on cuddling with my kids because while I’m trying to rock them to sleep I read blogs on my phone, I miss out on relaxing with my husband because I am doing something else. I see other people in their mid twenties flying off to go on vacations and cruises and wonder, #1, where do they get the money, and #2, why can’t I do that? Why am I so responsible?
But then I look around at my beautiful daughter and my adorable son, my handsome husband and cute dog and I see what they don’t have. I remember coming home at 3 and 4 am during college alone and lonely, and I’m glad that is no longer an issue.
So, all I guess I’m trying to say is that sometimes I feel like I missed out on something, but more often i feel bad for those who don’t have what I do.
Okay- so I follow more blogs than I can keep up with, but I just added another one- Color Me Katie. I found her based on an interview that Brooke at Playing Grown Up did. (BTW, Brooke’s blog makes me feel so much better at wanting to stay young, even though I’m a 28 year old mom!) Katie does AMAZING, INSPIRING, ADORABLE art projects, and then shows the readers how to replicate them. The picture is from her Chalk Walk. You have got to check her out!
I forgot to mention that I hooked a wireless mouse up to Chris’s computer (which the TV is plugged in to) so I don’t even have to get up to change shows! I’m excited, especially since I plan on sleeping up here until Chris gets home from the show tonight because going up and down the stairs does NOT feel good on my foot.
So, I think I might have a stress fracture in my foot. It hurts, bad. But, we were out of milk and bread and eggs and all of the other stuff that is very necessary when you have a two year old who eats like a teenage boy, so I went grocery shopping. On the way home, I stopped for gas and ran into the liqueur store for wine. While there, I also picked up three of the tiny little liqueur bottles- Bailey’s, Kahlula and Godiva Mocha. Now, I’m sitting on the chaise, with ice on my foot, watching Ugly Betty on Hulu, and drinking an AMAZING drink (mix all three bottles together, shake). And, from the sounds of it, both of the kids went to sleep already! Woo hoo!
Look to God as the source of all you want to see happen in your marriage, and dont worry about how it will happen. It’s your responsibility to pray. It’s God’s job to answer. Leave it in His hands.